Wisdom for the New Year: Forgiveness (Dear Kittens #35)

(I write my daughters aka "kittens" a short letter each week under the pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've always had cats so this rubric works for us. My daughters are both in high school. I try to distill the wisdom gained from my 47 years that I wish I'd have learned when I was a teen.)

Dear Kittens,

I’ve held too many grudges over the years. Grudges do nothing but keep us tied to painful memories of the past. There is an alternative to holding on to past pain. The alternative is learning to forgive.

Forgiveness is key for experiencing the life that God desires for us. Forgiveness is at the center of the prayer that Jesus taught his earliest followers. Jesus invites us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6:12). Jesus’ words assume our willingness to forgive others. Jesus emphasizes the necessity of forgiveness in the verses that follow his prayer. In Matt 6:14–15, Jesus adds, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Jesus’ intention was not to scare us into forgiving others. Rather Jesus highlights the important role of forgiveness for enjoying an abundant life. The irony of refusing to forgive is that we actually hurt ourselves. Lewis Smedes wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Forgiveness does not mean that we minimize the pain we have suffered. It is not a white-washing of the past. It does not mean that we continue to allow ourselves to be mistreated by others. It does not always mean a full reconciliation with the person(s) who hurt us. Instead forgiveness is a refusal to allow another’s action to bind us to the past. By forgiving, we release junk that weighs us down. Kittens, if we want to move forward in life, we have to unclog our inner being. Grudges, old wounds, and memories of past pain serve only to weigh down our hearts. When we hold on to past pain, we turn our inner space into a warehouse of dusty and unused junk. When we forgive, we clear out our storehouses and create space for new good things.

As we move into a new year, I encourage you to spend a few minutes reflecting on your own memories of pain. Who has hurt you? Make a list of persons that you may need to forgive. Consciously remember how they hurt you. Don’t make excuses for their actions. Instead, think about how you’ve had to grow to overcome these events. Then begin to forgive each of these people one by one. Start with the easiest ones to forgive. This may not be an easy process. It may require the shedding of a few tears. It may have to occur without the other person ever apologizing. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a decision. Make the decision to forgive and over time God will take care of your feelings.

Maya Angelou wrote, “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” She is giving good advice, kittens. Take it. I am.

You may find it easiest to begin by forgiving yourself for not being perfect. Remember you are enough Kittens. Always. Since you are enough, you can forgive others for the hurts you’ve suffered. This will open up the future for you in ways that will astonish you.

With much love,
TOC

If you would like to be added to the mailing list to receive new "Dear Kittens" notes as soon as I write them, email me at brian.russell9113 at gmail.com

On Gratitude: Dear Kittens #15

(I write my daughters aka "kittens" a short letter each week under the pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've always had cats so this rubric works for us. My daughters are both in high school. I try to distill the wisdom gained through my 47 years that I wish I'd have learned when I was a teen.)

 Dear Kittens,
 
“Gratitude not attitude.” You may remember this phrase. I used it to remind you to say, “Thank you.” As I’ve gotten older, I now realize that gratitude is not important it is indispensable.
 
Embracing gratitude has helped to transform my life and taught me to find joy even in the most difficult moments. Learning to say “Thank you” every day empowers us to discover happiness and peace in all circumstances.
 
Ponder some of my favorite quotations about gratitude. The medieval German mystic Meister Eckhart wrote, “If the only prayer you said was ‘thank you,’ that would be enough.”
 The contemporary mystic and spiritual teacher Ekhart Tolle wrote, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
 
The 20th century monk and theologian Thomas Merton wrote, “To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.”
 
All of these quotations capture the deep magic of saying, “Thank you.” Gratitude turns our attention outward. When we express gratitude, we shift our thoughts away from our selves, our needs, our concerns, our complaints, and our worries. Gratitude releases us to focus for a few moments on the good in our lives. Gratitude enables us to reset our thoughts on the abundance in our world rather than the challenges. There is always something for which to be thankful. Even on days when it seems as though the world is crashing in on us, we can still express gratitude for each breath that we take and for each beating of our heart.
 
Gratitude is the pathway to the door leading to the life of God’s dreams. Gratitude is critical for receiving each day as the gift that it is. When we say, “Thank you,” we are able to receive God’s gifts for us. To live out of gratitude enables each day to be a surprise. Instead of living out of entitlement or demand, we experience the good things in our lives as a gift.
 
Gratitude opens us up to living in the present moment. When we are grateful, we are content. Contentment allows us to be free from both past and future. We don’t have to feel cheated about events in the past. Nor do we have to worry about the details of tomorrow. We simply experience the new day as a gift and receive it with thanksgiving.
 
 Kittens, let me share two of my daily practices with you. I encourage you to try them. First, most mornings I prepare for the new day by praying and meditating. As soon as I finish, I write down five people or things for which I am thankful. I keep these lists in my journal. I try not to repeat myself, but I must admit that I often write that I’m thankful for my kittens! Second, before I fall asleep, I reflect on as many things from the day for which I’m thankful. This resets the mind and helps me to sleep better.
 
Embrace gratitude, Kittens. It will reset your life for the good.
 
Grateful for the chance to write you these notes each week,
TOC