(I
write my daughters aka "kittens" a short letter each week under the
pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've always had cats so this rubric
works for us. My daughters are both in high school. I try to distill the
wisdom gained from my 48 years that I wish I'd have learned when I
was a teen.)
Dear Kittens,
One of the keys to experiencing joy is to learn to understand the difference between the things that we can control and the things that we can’t control. In Discourses and Selected Writings (Penguin Classics)
, Epictetus taught, “It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them.” In other words, how we feel or think about an event in our lives depends less on the event itself and more on the meaning that we give to it. Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles(TM) - 10th Anniversary Edition: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be
offers a formula to help us understand the way of thinking advocated by Epictetus. Canfield suggests that we view life this way: Event (whatever happens) + Our Response = Outcome. If we reflect on this principle, we can recognize the part of each outcome that we can control. Of course, this means our response to the events that happen to us rather than the events themselves.
Once we gain this wisdom we can experience a deep joy that does not depend on our circumstances. We can find joy in the good times and the challenging ones. The apostle Paul adds a critical teaching that reminds us of God’s role in our response to events.
One of my favorite passages from Paul is Philippians 4:4–7: Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
In these verses, Paul teaches us how to respond to events in a way that leads to joy and peace. Paul begins with joy and ends with peace. These are related. We can find joy in all circumstances by experiencing the inner peace and calmness that God can give to us. Paul wrote these words while awaiting trial under house arrest in Rome. His life was on the line and he faced possible execution. Yet, he can write about joy and peace in all circumstances. Kittens, I hope that your ears just perked up.
Here is what Paul says about how to respond to any event. I’ve put Paul’s teaching from Philippians 4:4–7 into a formula: Remember God’s provisions (“the Lord is near”) + release of anxiety in prayer + practicing gratitude in all circumstances = peace that passes all understanding. When faced with wonderful events or challenging events, we must remember that Jesus who experienced both death on a cross and Resurrection is present with us. Moreover Jesus has all futures under his control. Once we recognize this when we face an event that triggers our anxiety we must release our anxiety and fears to God in prayer. If you struggle releasing anxiety and find your mind racing, add a list of things for which you are grateful into the prayer. Gratitude is critical for grounding us in the present and pushing aside our anxiety about what an event means for our future. When we take these steps, we can experience God’s peace.
Then our gentleness can be evident to all. Paul is not advocating wimpiness or weakness. Gentleness is patient resilience. It is a cool confidence in the abundance of the future regardless of what happens. A response from a God-shaped gentleness rooted in joy and peace creates a much better outcome for us.
Kittens, life has highs and lows in it. This is unavoidable. The good news is that God provides a way to experience joy and peace for our journey. Jesus once said this to a raging storm: “Peace, be still.”
This is a calmness we can experience too.
With much love,
TOC aka "The Old Cat"
If you would like to be added to the Dear Kittens email list to receive future notes from TOC, send me an email: brian.russell9113 at gmail.com
(I
write my daughters aka "kittens" a short letter each week under the
pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've always had cats so this rubric
works for us. My daughters are both in high school. I try to distill the
wisdom gained from my 47 years that I wish I'd have learned when I
was a teen.)
Dear Kittens,
I’ve held too many grudges over the
years. Grudges do nothing but keep us tied to painful memories of the
past. There is an alternative to holding on to past pain. The
alternative is learning to forgive.
Forgiveness is key for
experiencing the life that God desires for us. Forgiveness is at the
center of the prayer that Jesus taught his earliest followers. Jesus
invites us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our
debtors” (Matt 6:12). Jesus’ words assume our willingness to forgive
others. Jesus emphasizes the necessity of forgiveness in the verses that
follow his prayer. In Matt 6:14–15, Jesus adds, “For if you forgive
others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but
if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your
trespasses.”
Jesus’ intention was not to scare us into forgiving
others. Rather Jesus highlights the important role of forgiveness for
enjoying an abundant life. The irony of refusing to forgive is that we
actually hurt ourselves. Lewis Smedes wrote, “To forgive is to set a
prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Forgiveness
does not mean that we minimize the pain we have suffered. It is not a
white-washing of the past. It does not mean that we continue to allow
ourselves to be mistreated by others. It does not always mean a full
reconciliation with the person(s) who hurt us. Instead forgiveness is a
refusal to allow another’s action to bind us to the past. By forgiving,
we release junk that weighs us down. Kittens, if we want to move forward
in life, we have to unclog our inner being. Grudges, old wounds, and
memories of past pain serve only to weigh down our hearts. When we hold
on to past pain, we turn our inner space into a warehouse of dusty and
unused junk. When we forgive, we clear out our storehouses and create
space for new good things.
As we move into a new year, I
encourage you to spend a few minutes reflecting on your own memories of
pain. Who has hurt you? Make a list of persons that you may need to
forgive. Consciously remember how they hurt you. Don’t make excuses for
their actions. Instead, think about how you’ve had to grow to overcome
these events. Then begin to forgive each of these people one by one.
Start with the easiest ones to forgive. This may not be an easy process.
It may require the shedding of a few tears. It may have to occur
without the other person ever apologizing. Forgiveness is not a feeling;
it is a decision. Make the decision to forgive and over time God will
take care of your feelings.
Maya Angelou wrote, “It’s one of the
greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.”
She is giving good advice, kittens. Take it. I am.
You may find
it easiest to begin by forgiving yourself for not being perfect.
Remember you are enough Kittens. Always. Since you are enough, you can
forgive others for the hurts you’ve suffered. This will open up the
future for you in ways that will astonish you.
With much love,
TOC
If you would like to be added to the mailing list to receive new "Dear Kittens" notes as soon as I write them, email me at brian.russell9113 at gmail.com
(I write my daughters aka "kittens" a
short letter each week under the pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've
always had cats so this rubric works for us. My daughters are both in
high school. I try to distill the wisdom gained through my 47 years that
I wish I'd have learned when I was a teen.)
Dear Kittens,
“Gratitude not attitude.” You may remember this phrase. I used it to remind you to say, “Thank you.” As I’ve gotten older, I now realize that gratitude is not important it is indispensable.
Embracing gratitude has helped to transform my life and taught me to find joy even in the most difficult moments. Learning to say “Thank you” every day empowers us to discover happiness and peace in all circumstances.
Ponder some of my favorite quotations about gratitude. The medieval German mystic Meister Eckhart wrote, “If the only prayer you said was ‘thank you,’ that would be enough.”
The contemporary mystic and spiritual teacher Ekhart Tolle wrote, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
The 20th century monk and theologian Thomas Merton wrote, “To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.”
All of these quotations capture the deep magic of saying, “Thank you.” Gratitude turns our attention outward. When we express gratitude, we shift our thoughts away from our selves, our needs, our concerns, our complaints, and our worries. Gratitude releases us to focus for a few moments on the good in our lives. Gratitude enables us to reset our thoughts on the abundance in our world rather than the challenges. There is always something for which to be thankful. Even on days when it seems as though the world is crashing in on us, we can still express gratitude for each breath that we take and for each beating of our heart.
Gratitude is the pathway to the door leading to the life of God’s dreams. Gratitude is critical for receiving each day as the gift that it is. When we say, “Thank you,” we are able to receive God’s gifts for us. To live out of gratitude enables each day to be a surprise. Instead of living out of entitlement or demand, we experience the good things in our lives as a gift.
Gratitude opens us up to living in the present moment. When we are grateful, we are content. Contentment allows us to be free from both past and future. We don’t have to feel cheated about events in the past. Nor do we have to worry about the details of tomorrow. We simply experience the new day as a gift and receive it with thanksgiving.
Kittens, let me share two of my daily practices with you. I encourage you to try them. First, most mornings I prepare for the new day by praying and meditating. As soon as I finish, I write down five people or things for which I am thankful. I keep these lists in my journal. I try not to repeat myself, but I must admit that I often write that I’m thankful for my kittens! Second, before I fall asleep, I reflect on as many things from the day for which I’m thankful. This resets the mind and helps me to sleep better.
Embrace gratitude, Kittens. It will reset your life for the good.
Grateful for the chance to write you these notes each week,
TOC
(I write my daughters aka "kittens" a short letter each week under the pseudonym "TOC"="The Old Cat". We've always had cats so this rubric works for us. My daughters are both in high school. I try to distill the wisdom gained through my 47 years that I wish I'd have learned when I was a teen. I wrote this one in the aftermath of the election this week and after observing the reactions of both sides to Donald Trump's upset victory over Hillary Clinton)
Dear Kittens,
The Presidential election of 2016 was a difficult one. TOC has voted in every election since 1988 and this one threw me for a loop. Since this is your first election that you’ve been old enough to observe and given its divisiveness during the campaign and in the days following, I wanted to share some reflections on how we should think and act about it.
The great Methodist leader John Wesley lived during challenging times too. Revolutions were stirring in the colonies that became the United States as well as in France. Moreover, the inequalities and divisions within England itself were stark and easily inflamed. Wesley sought to promote the Gospel of Jesus as the true hope of the world and to transform the world through the grace and love of Jesus Christ. Yet Wesley encouraged the early Methodists to participate in civic life and this included voting. Here is his advice. This is an actual entry from his journal on Oct 6, 1774:
"I met those of our [methodist groups] who had votes in the ensuing election, and advised them
1. To vote, without fee or reward, for the person they judged most worthy
2. To speak no evil of the person they voted against, and
3. To take care their spirits were not sharpened against those that voted on the other side."
This is good and simple wisdom. I don’t think that there are too many bribes involved in voting these days (Wesley’s #1), but his #2 and #3 are critical for modeling a good witness in the world.
In essence, they invite us to de-personalize politics. Too often our leaders on both sides resort to emotional appeals and personal attacks to win. Unfortunately, this type of persuasion works. This does not make it admirable or virtuousness. It is always easy to use labels: “leftie” “racist” “communist” “right wing nut job” “radical” “homophobe” etc. Labels attempt to dehumanize others and cast shame. Our country right now has elements on both sides who cannot sympathize with or even relate to persons on the opposite side of the political spectrum. Wesley emphasized the need to refuse to participate in the demonization or even speaking ill of those who disagree with us politically.
So how do we live well kittens and work for good especially during bitter seasons of divisive political debates and elections?
(1) Remember that absolute security comes only from God. No political party or ideology (even if its your personal favorite) can ever guarantee the future. Our hope is in God.
(2) There is not one god of the blue states and a separate god of the red states. God loves Clinton and all her supporters. God loves Trump and all his supporters. God is one and God is Lord of all peoples and nations. God loves everyone regardless of their vote or ideology, and God desires each persons best.
(3) We need to become better listeners of one another. The Gospel can unite us, but only if we reach out and build relationships with persons who think differently than us. Build a diverse group of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. If you don’t know anyone who voted for the opposite candidate, you need to expand your social circles. TOC has friends on both sides of the political spectrum. I have my own opinions, but these will never come between my friendships or my mission to reach others with the love of God.
(4) Be a bridge builder and uniter. No one ever gets what they want 100% of the time. We must learn to win and lose with grace and dignity. Seasons of change come and go. Always be ready to extend your hand in peace and compromise over common ground.
The future is better than you think, Kittens. I’m looking forward to it. As Ghandi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
Live by faith, be known by love, serve as voices of hope:
TOC
If you'd like to read other "Dear Kittens" notes as they are published, send me an email to brian.russell9113 @ gmail .com
, Epictetus taught, “It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them.” In other words, how we feel or think about an event in our lives depends less on the event itself and more on the meaning that we give to it. Jack Canfield, author of The Success Principles(TM) - 10th Anniversary Edition: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be
offers a formula to help us understand the way of thinking advocated by Epictetus. Canfield suggests that we view life this way: Event (whatever happens) + Our Response = Outcome. If we reflect on this principle, we can recognize the part of each outcome that we can control. Of course, this means our response to the events that happen to us rather than the events themselves.