Review of Personality isn't Permanent by Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Personality isn’t Permanent: Break Free from Self-Limiting Beliefs and Rewrite Your Story. Benjamin Hardy, Ph.D. (Portfolio/Penguin, 2020)

This is an important book. Benjamin Hardy takes us on a rich exploration into personality and challenges the dangerous assumption that we are fixed types. This book argues powerfully that we are never merely the sum of our past. 

Hardy’s key argument is this: “[Successful people] become who they want to be by orienting their life toward their goals, not as a repeat of the past; by active bravely as their future selves, not by perpetuating who they formerly were.” (p. 9)

I’m a coach and I have used DISC, Enneagram, and Myers-Briggs assessment to help clients grow themselves and their teams. I’ve seen myself grow so I’ve always been careful not to coach people as though they are “stuck” wherever they find themselves. 

This is where Hardy’s work is so important because he writes as an expert in organizational psychology. His work provides compelling teaching on the limitations and dangers of using assessments to categorize people in ways that limit them.

There is always a fear that each of us is merely whatever our “type” is as though we are limited and defined by a self-reported score at a given moment in our history. I had a friend who was denied a promotion in a company simply because he didn’t have the DISC profile of a leader. 

Hardy helpfully dispels the myth of innate or determined personality. These tests may give us insights into our preferences or even provide a snapshot of where we are in a given moment, but it is a grave error to believe that any person is limited because they score X on a personality assessment.

Moreover Hardy presents research that demonstrates that our present and future self is not caused by our past. Or as he says in opposition to Shakespeare: the past is not prologue or at least it doesn’t have to be. Hardy writes for a reader who desires to make changes to her or his life. The good news according to Hardy’s research is that we are not limited by our past experiences. In fact, the key to a new future is our ability as humans to choose a new future and make decisions about what our past means.

Here are the the promises that Hardy makes to his reader (p. 10):

-Discover the myths of personality that limit most people’s potential

-Decide for yourself the life you want to live, regardless of how different it is from your past or present

-Become emotionally flexible so your past no longer defines you

-Reframe your trauma to believe and live like everything in your life has happened for you and not to you

-Become confident enough to define your own life’s purpose

-Create a network of “empathetic witnesses” who actively encourage your to continue moving forward through your highs and lows

-Enhance your subconscious to overcome addictions and limiting pattters

-Redesign your environment to pull you toward your future rather than keep you stuck in the past

Readers of leadership and self-improvement books will detect some of the standard coaching ingredients in the above list. But Hardy adds a key element lacking in much of the literature–his work is research based. Hardy is a recent Ph.D. graduate from a major research university (Clemson). He understands rigorous research. 

He is in a unique space because in addition to his academic credentials, he has worked hard at the craft of writing. His prose style is easy to read and substantive. Moreover he is an entrepreneur with a successful seven figure business. 

But it wasn’t always this way for Benjamin Hardy. He had a traumatizing upbringing. But he found a way forward. He has “skin in the game.” His book is a roadmap to his own journey from humble beginnings to a successful marriage, family, and business.

In other words, Dr. Hardy is a voice worth investing the time required to give Personality isn’t Permanent a careful read.

The chapters build slowly and methodically. I appreciated the illustrations of persons who moved from positions of struggle to success. As Hardy guides us, he includes questions that help us apply the lessons immediately and directly to our life so that we can move forward.

Dr. Hardy delivers on his promises. 

Key takeaways for me:

(1) We need to create labels for ourselves in light of our goals and not limit our goals to a label given us on an assessment

(2) Our personality is dependent on the environment in which we find ourselves. This book challenges us to put ourselves in environments that enhance and support our goals and not merely one’s that reinforce limiting and fixed beliefs.

(3) Personality tests “are fast food for the soul” (55). They give easy answers to explain why a person is or isn’t successful. In other words, they can serve as an excuse for taking true growth, assuming responsibility, and taking action to achieve one’s deep goals.

(4) I’m challenged anew to ask: “What do I really want? What is my highest purpose? Have I found a massive goal that will pull me out of bed everyday with purpose and passion?

(5) Need to focus on one massive goal rather than on a collection of smaller goals. Play big.

(6) Reinforced the essential role that journaling plays in growth by keeping our goals on the front burner and creating intentional space daily for deep reflection and visualization of our preferred future. Hardy provides a map for deep journaling by filling each chapter with questions for reflection.

(7) Critical role that associations play in life. Refuse to be the “smartest guy in the room” and put self in an environment for growth. Build a team of “empathetic” witnesses and encouragers around myself and be that person for others. This is what I’d call “being known by love and serving as a voice of hope for others.”

(8) Be aware of the danger of initial success and achieving a certain level of status. These can kill off future growth. WE move from goal achievement to status/income/image management/protection.

(9) When pondering the meaning of our past experience (good and bad), remember Sean Stephenson’s final words: “This happened for me, not to me.” (146)

(10) Recognize the physiological effects of suppressing emotions and painful experiences.

(11) Absolute necessity of new challenges, meeting new people, and learning to thrive in new environments. Refuse to be stale.

Who do you desire to be and become? What is preventing you right now from moving toward a bigger, richer, better, and more profound future? If this question raises doubts in your heart, perhaps Personality isn’t Permanent may be just what you need today to forward.

I recommend Personality isn’t Permanent with enthusiasm. 

Favorite Books from 2018

I read close to 100 books in 2018. Here is my top ten. Most of these were new or recent releases but a few classics made it in.

 

1) Nassim Nicholas Taleb Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life 

Taleb is one of my favorite intellectuals. His writing is fun, brilliant, irreverent, and deep. Skin in the Game is the most recent volume of his Incerto ("uncertainty") series. Each of the earlier volumes: Fooled by Randomness, The Black Swan, and Antifragile are equally worthy of your time. Skin in the Game makes the point that you should never trust any expert, builder, banker, or professor who has no "lived experience" or "skin in the game." Yet the folly of modern banking, government, and education is that there is little "skin in the game" by those at the top. Experts, who have little personal experience or no exposure to the risks of their own policies, serve as decision makers and influencers. This leaves common people to carry the brunt of the risk exposure, clean up the messes and pay for costly bailouts. One of Taleb's favorite villains in Robert Rubin of Citibank fame and a member of Obama's administration. Rubin earned millions of dollars in bonuses leading Citibank in the run-up to the 2008 financial crisis. Yet when Citibank and the world economy crashed due to the profound duplicity of bankers carrying risky debt, Rubin kept all of his bonuses and even became Secretary of the Treasury. It is deeply ironic that Rubin as SOT was charged with fixing the problem that he was partially responsible for creating. Common people lost their homes and we the people ultimately paid for the bailout of these elites who lacked "skin in the game." On the other hand, Taleb demonstrates the power that a tiny minority of a population can wield over the whole by their steadfast commitment and willingness to stand publicly for their preferences ("skin in the game"). Throughout the book, Taleb offers a rich philosophical and historical portrait of the principle.

 

2) Cal Newport Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World

Deep Work is an outstanding read for creatives who need to increase productivity. Newport is an academic who writes prolifically for scholarly and popular audiences. He lays out the secrets of his productivity. As ground work, he argues that to find success in our present/future economy, one must learn to master difficult tasks and be able produce at an elite level. Therefore, we must learn to guard, value, and take advantage of peak periods of productivity. Any one struggling to make deadlines, consistently achieve goals, and live up to one's potential will find Newport's wisdom and tactics helpful. Deep Work is not merely recycled time management advice. It is in touch with the challenges of our high tech world's 24/7 noise and Newport walks the walk or as Taleb would say, "has skin in the game."

 

3) Ray Dalio Principles: Life and Work

Ray Dalio is one of the most successful investors of our era and one of the wealthiest men in the world. His investment returns at Bridgewater Associates are legendary. In Principles, Dalio tells his personal story and lays out his philosophy for making decisions and building teams. This book is less about investing than it is a manifesto on creating systems for taking the right decisions in high pressure moments. Success at an elite level in investing and any human endeavor turns on our ability to leverage a team to assess evidence/data objectively and make the best decision out of all competing options. I found Principles refreshing from an organizational perspective. At Bridgewater Associates, Dalio led his team to pioneer workplace transparency and truth-telling. When billions of dollars are at stake, the contribution of each team member is critical. There is a wealth of knowledge in this book. Any one who wants to build a powerful team should study this book carefully. There is literally a lifetime of wisdom here.

 

4) Robert Greene The Laws of Human Nature

Greene take a deep dive into human behavior. This is not a philosophical or scientific volume that approaches human nature from a theoretical or theological perspective. Instead Greene, a keen observer of the human condition, lays out 18 "laws" that illustrate and synthesize an array of human behaviors. If you've read 48 Laws of Power or Mastery, you will find Greene familiar style of drawing from academics, historical figures, and philosophy. At the core, The Laws of Human Nature rightly views humans as social animals. We talk much about the need for "emotional intelligence." Greene's laws describe what various flavors of emotional intelligence looks like. I personally found his chapter on "Confronting Your Darkside" particularly helpful. It focuses on what Jung termed the "shadow." Luckily Greene doesn't just summarize these laws he offers ways to recognize in others or develop in one's own life each of the laws he includes. You can read The Laws of Human Nature as a guidebook for success and self-improvement. You can also use it to build enough self-awareness to avoid being manipulated by others or as Greene himself says for "self-defense."

 

5) Stephen Pressfield The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles 

I finally read Pressfield's classic guide to creative work this past year. If you have to produce art in your life: writing, speeches, sermons, lessons, songs, poems, or paintings, this is a must read. There are two critical takeaways. First, Pressfield writes eloquently about resistance. Those of us who are authors call this writer's block. The ancients talked about finding their muse for support. Pressfield shares secrets for conjuing up our own muse to empower our writing. It involves doing the psychological work of confronting our inner demons of procrastination, excuse making, and fear and developing a writing routine that serves our highest creative goals. Second, he uses the metaphor of "going pro." I like this. Treat your creative work as a professional and not as an amateur. Pros get work done. No excuses. Read The War of Art alone or in combo with Deep Work. You'll be glad you did. 2019 can be your most productive year ever. 

 

6) Jordan B. Peterson 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos 

Discovering the work and thought of Jordan Peterson was one of the revelations of 2018. I've now listened to dozens of interviews on podcasts as well as watched hours of his lectures on YouTube. I also had the opportunity to hear him live in Orlando in September 2018. I consider him one of the leading public intellectuals of our day. He is well read across disciplines but approaches most topics from his expertise in psychology and Jungian analysis. 12 Rules is a rich text in which Peterson distills his philosophy for a life that courageously strives to empower people to live well regardless of circumstances.  Some of 12 rules seem common-sensical such as "Make friends with people who want the best for you" or "Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today". Others are slightly comical "Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them." Others sound odd "Don't bother children when they are skateboarding" or "Pet a cat when you meet one on the street." Don't let the particular articulation of the principles throw you off. The power of Peterson is not in the wording of the rules (though it helps to make them memorable) but in his exposition of their meaning. His writing is deep and meanders through multiple pathways of understanding. He takes the reader on journey through academic research, biblical stories, personal experiences and Jungian mythic archetypes to bring his rules to life. Peterson is often criticized for having a predominantly male audience. I have a different experience. Peterson's lectures profoundly helped my daughter this past year. She is the one who introduced me to this thinker.

 

7) Lewis Howes The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives 

Howes is best known for his popular podcast "The School of Greatness." In this book, Howes shows his vulnerable side. He suffered suffered sexual abuse as well as bullying as a boy. This set Howes off on a path where he lived with a chip on his shoulder and constantly had to prove his worth. In Mask of Masculinity, Howes explores various persona or fronts that men use to cover up their pain, shame, and vulnerability. This was a well written book that is helpful for both men open to inner transformation and the women who love them.

 

8) Thomas Merton New Seeds of Contemplation 

This is a spiritual classic on contemplative prayer from one of the 20th century giants of spirituality. New Seeds is a series of short chapters that offer a rich characterization of the inner world of the contemplative life. Merton's ability to capture in words the depth of love experienced as the false self dies in the presence of God. His reflection on the idolatrous projections we make about life, the divine, and others is moving and spiritually cleansing. I can imagine myself reading this book dozens of times and still finding new insights. I think that persons practicing other forms of mediation such as mindfulness can read this book profitably even if they don't share Merton's Christian faith.

 

9) Epictetus Discourses and Selected Writings (Penguin Classics)

2018 was the fourth consecutive year that I consumed the wisdom of Epictetus. Epictetus is my favorite of the Roman stoics. This volume includes both his longer Discourses, his abbreviated Enchiridion, and some fragments from other sources. I consider Epictetus to be the best personal development author of all time (the GOAT). By reading this book, you will essentially have gained the core understanding of human behavior and deep inner-game work that you'll encounter in therapy or from any writer in the self-improvement sphere. At the heart of Epictetus' thought is the necessity of understanding what one controls (not much) and what one does not control. He then unflinchingly reflects and teaches how to live in light of this difference. For my Christian readers, they may be interested to know that Epictetus was read consistently by monastics for his deep spiritual insights.

 

10) Dave Asprey Game Changers: What Leaders, Innovators, and Mavericks Do to Win at Life 

I'm an amateur bio-hacker so Dave Asprey of Bulletproof Coffee and Diet fame is one of my heroes. Gamechangers is sourced from his podcast guests. Asprey distills the learning gleaned from his long form interviews into key takeaways that can be applied to enhance life. He divides the book into three sections: smarter, faster, happier. He explores topics such as the power of gratitude, importance of sleep, how altered states can enhance cognitive function and happiness (this is one of the most interesting chapters–he covers topics from the controlled use of hallucinogens [fascinating but illegal in the U.S.] to the power of meditation [my practice of centering prayer squared with Asprey's thinking on the topic]), proper breathing, the most efficient forms of exercise, and finding one's purpose. In some ways, Game Changers contains the topics one might expect in personal development text, but Asprey's biohacking approach mixes modern technology and "hacks" with ancient wisdom. Great book!

What were your favorite books this year?

Book Review of Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy Seals Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

 
I regularly read leadership and personal development literature as a means of increasing my capacity in my current role as Dean and Associate provost as well as for my coaching business. I consider Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin (St. Martin's Press, 2016) to be one of the Top ten books on leading well that I've read. I recommend it to administrators, business leaders, coaches, pastors, and anyone who desires to lead a team more effectively and productively.

Willink and Babin are retired U.S. Navy Seals who served multiple tours during the Iraqi conflict. They now serve as consultants to businesses and leaders. Extreme Ownership focuses on lessons that they learned while leading combat units in Task Unit Bruiser in the difficult and dangerous fight against insurgents in Ramadi. Extreme Ownership is a compelling read because it illustrates critical leadership principles by showing how they were learned (often the hard way) on the battlefield. 

In each chapter, Willink and Babin narrate personal incidents from their combat experiences in Iraq. They then break down the lesson into an easy to understand and apply principle. Last they illustrate how the principle can be applied in today's business environments.

This is not a book on warfare. Their battle stories are not gory and have been sanitized for a non-military audience without losing the seriousness of the situation described. This raised the poignancy of the teaching offered by Willink and Babin. They are not theorists but practitioners of the art of leading and they did it when their lives as well as those of their men were at stake.

Extreme Ownership unfolds in three movements: 

Part One: Winning the War Within

The title Extreme Ownership comes from the main principle advocated in the book of the absolute necessity of the leader taking 100% responsibility for what happens under his or her watch. They mean 100%. No excuses. No blaming. Ever. 

In their view, there are no bad teams but only bad leaders (chapter two). The leader is responsible for setting the tone for the team and explaining the mission to each member.

This begins with the leader's belief (chapter three). We are not ready to lead until we have focused on the "why" of the mission. If we are taking orders from someone above us, we must own the why so that we can pass it on to those whom we lead. As I leader, I must be "all in" if I expect my team to follow me.

Leaders must also check their egos (chapter four).

Part Two: Laws of Combat
In chapter five, the authors teach the principle of "cover and move." To be effective, teams must work together. This includes how one team within an organization relates to other teams. Conflict often occurs because teams within the same company compete against one another instead of focusing attention on winning.


Warfare is chaotic. So is life and business.  We cannot plan for every contingency. The key is to create actionable and simple plans and strategies that the entire organization can understand and implement (chapter six).

When under pressure, leaders must learn to prioritize and execute (chapter seven). Focus the team on one key activity at a time.


Empower others to lead smaller groups through decentralized leadership (chapter eight). No one can effectively lead more than 10 people. Communicate down the organization using simple plans and communicate clearly and concisely so that all are on the same page.

Part Three: Sustaining Victory 

Planning is critical to achieving victory (chapter 9). All organizations need to create a template for creating clear, compelling, and effective plans to advance the mission.

In the most efficient organizations, leadership flows up and down the chain of command (chapter 10). Each member of the team learns to lead up and down the flow chart by practicing extreme ownership at each level.

In warfare, uncertainty is a given. On the battlefield, there is never enough information. There is a balance between decisiveness and uncertainty (chapter 11). Knowing when to act and when to wait can be a matter of life and death.

Last, discipline equals freedom (chapter 12). Success in mission is not easy. It takes discipline to grow into the leaders that our world needs. It is often a dance between extremes (pp. 277-78): 

"confident but not cocky; courageous but not foolhardy; competitive but a gracious loser; attentive to details but not obsessed by them; strong but have endurance; a leader and a follower; humble not passive; aggressive not overbearing; quiet not silent; calm but not robotic...; close with the troops but not so close that one becomes more important than another or more important than the good of the team...;able to execute extreme ownership, while exercising decentralized command."

Great book. Inspiring. Insightful. I'll read it again. Consider picking up a copy. You'll be glad you did. So will your team!




To learn more about Jocko Willink check out his interview with Tim Ferris.